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It's Hard To Be Open​-​Minded When You Wanna Die

by Breakfast In Silence

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economics101
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economics101 highly danceable and surprisingly deep lyrics i listen to this album too fucking much cause of how good it is Favorite track: You're Safe Here.
Adrian Rollins
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Adrian Rollins Love this record! Creative, exciting, and innovative song writing. Favorite track: Shitty #metoo Jokes.
Jared Montgomery
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Jared Montgomery This album is super solid top to bottom. I had the hardest time picking my favorite track. The soulful refrain at the end of Shitty #metoo Jokes has been on loop in my head for days now and I’m not even mad about it. Favorite track: Shitty #metoo Jokes.
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1.
Inversion 00:58
Person on the train is clutching roses Their boots are broken Their boots are busted open I imagine they’re thinking, “How am I gonna tie this shit together? Keep it together.” Keep it together. They hide their face with sunglasses in the approaching inversion fog, can’t see very far, They stare out the window- Their curls glow, a blink of sun just before the shadowed hospital stop Where they get off Where they get off
2.
“How did you sleep?” “The bed is fine I’m just uncomfortably having dreams you’re holding me.” Part of me knows that when we get back you’ll stop being mad or wanting me back, just give me a heart attack. I keep thinking we’re going north but shit keeps going south. Here’s to the bands that never went anywhere but on tour; I wanna live in that limbo forever. Part of me hopes that when we get back I’ll blame myself less and trust myself more, know that Seattle was a trap. My grandpa has cold feet sitting in his hospital socks and I relate so much that I self sabotage. He’s got fluid around his heart, and I wish mine would Stop.
3.
He says he thinks he’s too thin but I can’t see right through him. My days are numbered: counting calories and counting down pounds. I’ve never been ‘heroin chic;’ 12 year-old me loves grunge but I am heavy into sobriety. I probably have the biggest ass of all his girlfriends. I’ve always felt thick: Thick Skulled. Thin Skinned. Thick Skulled. No Backbone. I wanna ask for validation, biting holes in my tongue. Let the self-loathing fall through and all the calories too- So sick of my self I can’t even puke.
4.
You’re talking about home owners insurance You’re talking about credit score and I just don’t relate I’m Overwhelmed and Intimidated, Overwhelmed and Intimidated. Old friends ask me how I’m doing, Feel like I have to talk about going back to college to be anything- She had his child and he won’t even touch her now- She craves contact and I know that feeling- Feeling out of touch Yeah, I know that feeling Feeling out of touch Yeah, I know that feeling Carrying myself around in a thimble Embroidered ‘shame’ and ‘guilt’ on a sleeve strong-armed to open up more Tried to embrace the holes in Mom’s hand-me-downs Tried to hang myself by the thread that I was dangling from- But I’m still here to learn. I used to be so sure of some things. I would bounce my rent check to be sure of just one thing. But keep whining about lost self identity, and I’ll refrain from making that shitty #metoo joke. Here’s the real break down and I’m having it right now. Feeling out of touch Yeah, I know that feeling Feeling out of touch, and I’m having it right now.
5.
This city’s getting bigger all the time. I’m getting salty breathing in this brine. Restlessness It probably gets worse than this- Restlessness It probably won’t get better. Everybody wants a bigger house and a second cooler car, Everybody wants a thinner phone and a body remodel; I just want a shrink ray and to slash their tires- I just want some friends and to start a few fires- I just wanna run away, I wanna shake and yell, I just wanna shave my head before I rip it all out! I have had enough! I have had enough! You have enough! You are enough! You are enough.
6.
If it’s alright I’ll unload this baggage one thing at a time and fold to self awareness, won’t wear it on my face this time. I have so many secrets, but none of them are mine, if you decide to open up, I’ll try to maintain an open mind It’s safe here It’s safe here Just stay here- I’ll empty out a drawer Give you a key to the front door and if you’re still itching to leave I’ve got stuff for your allergies I know you’ve gotta go- This isn’t the space you’re looking for Know/No you’re not alone feeling outside yourself- You’re safe here You’re safe here Just be here-
7.
Feel a little crazy like I wanna shave my head but their music makes me wanna grow out my hair again Do I have much to lose? I just want my head to cut it out. Will you turn to stone if I put another hole my head? Got a Medusa last week- Will you care if I still can’t get out of bed? I’m so moody and I forget a lot of shit, I’m so moody and I forget a lot of shit. My mom is sick again, she gets dizzy spinning around the sun Jäger won’t fix this one but it’s worth a shot Does she have much to lose? I’m out of range anyway- The pill is flaring up my ideation again, tried to reclaim my body but I’m losing myself instead- and I’m always, all-ways, all ways on the mend. I’m always, all-ways, all ways on the mend. We don’t have much to lose. And isn’t that scarier anyway?
8.
It must be terrible to be two dogs passing on leash- strangled, tangled, and won’t ever meet- I’m glad that’s not us. But we keep passing- You work weekends, I work all week- It’s a working-class tragedy, I won’t romanticize it anymore. Talk of butterflies and nauseous knots, I get that shit quite literally- Try to keep it untangled and ironed out, weave you in the holes in my darned schedule. And if it’s cold can we sleep in the same bed? I’ll be the warmer blanket, break out the quilt again, give you the side of the bed you demand. We like each other like my cats like me: Two independent beings. I like it like that. ‘Special when they wanna climb into my lap I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, Love songs have never been my forte- Love songs have never been my forte- but here I am barking up your tree.
9.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Just got a call from my mom’s husband. Never thought I’d be in detox again. This time not for me or even a friend- Where should I go from here? Everyone I know who was bigger than me, I only see the shadows they cast- Now you’re hiding empty bottles under your bed The only light you see is under the door crack Remember when the monsters were under my bed? The billboard reads, “Roles Change.” It’s staring at me, it’s sobering. They say every gen gets a little taller than the last- They say you’ve gotta hit rock bottom, but we had to crash. Since the accident, I know you haven’t been the same; can’t make headlights or taillights of anything- Yeah, I know I was a real pill to raise. Now you take a handful in place- Where should we go from here?
10.
The Closer 02:06
I’m still the back of the bus kid riding potholes with dramatic effect- Mom says my mood swings grow more frequent, I wonder why Silence is more intense. I’m trying hard not to break the little rules I make like being accepting when I judge too fast, or keep my mouth shut till I’ve had breakfast. But it’s pretty fucking hard to be open-minded when you wanna die. It’s pretty easy to break your own rules when you’re breaking down all the time. Here’s to the 12 year-old in me fantasizing about dying. Here’s to the 18 year-old me who couldn’t live without trying. Here’s to 25 year-old me still buying time- But losing the bus transfer, and missing her stop.

about

BREAKFAST IN SILENCE is:
Ashleigh Bassett - Guitar/Vocals
Russ Wood - Guitar
Andrew Maguire - Drums/Vocals

SPECIAL THANKS:
Kale Morse for recording and mixing
Alexis Rausch for the album art and gang vocals
Tut and Alex of Savage Daughters and Fae of Emma Park for gang vocals
Mckenna Frandsen for insert pictures of Andrew and our hands
Amber Rose Dwyer for insert pictures of Russ and Ashleigh

Recorded @ The Beehive in Salt Lake City, March 2018.

credits

released May 5, 2018

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Breakfast In Silence Salt Lake City, Utah

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