1. |
Inversion
00:58
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Person on the train is clutching roses
Their boots are broken
Their boots are busted open
I imagine they’re thinking,
“How am I gonna tie this shit together?
Keep it together.”
Keep it together.
They hide their face with sunglasses in the approaching inversion fog,
can’t see very far,
They stare out the window-
Their curls glow,
a blink of sun
just before the shadowed hospital stop
Where they get off
Where they get off
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2. |
Fucking Seattle
01:31
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“How did you sleep?”
“The bed is fine I’m just uncomfortably having dreams you’re holding me.”
Part of me knows
that when we get back you’ll stop being mad or wanting me back,
just give me a heart attack.
I keep thinking we’re going north
but shit keeps going south.
Here’s to the bands that never went anywhere but on tour;
I wanna live in that limbo forever.
Part of me hopes
that when we get back I’ll blame myself less and trust myself more,
know that Seattle was a trap.
My grandpa has cold feet sitting in his hospital socks
and I relate so much that I self sabotage.
He’s got fluid around his heart,
and I wish mine would
Stop.
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3. |
Thin // Thick
03:02
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He says he thinks he’s too thin
but I can’t see right through him.
My days are numbered:
counting calories and counting down pounds.
I’ve never been ‘heroin chic;’
12 year-old me loves grunge but I am heavy into sobriety.
I probably have the biggest ass
of all his girlfriends.
I’ve always felt thick:
Thick Skulled.
Thin Skinned.
Thick Skulled.
No Backbone.
I wanna ask for validation,
biting holes in my tongue.
Let the self-loathing fall through
and all the calories too-
So sick of my self I can’t even puke.
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4. |
Shitty #metoo Jokes
04:09
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You’re talking about home owners insurance
You’re talking about credit score and I just don’t relate
I’m Overwhelmed and Intimidated,
Overwhelmed and Intimidated.
Old friends ask me how I’m doing,
Feel like I have to talk about going back to college to be anything-
She had his child
and he won’t even touch her now-
She craves contact and I know that feeling-
Feeling out of touch
Yeah, I know that feeling
Feeling out of touch
Yeah, I know that feeling
Carrying myself around in a thimble
Embroidered ‘shame’ and ‘guilt’ on a sleeve strong-armed to open up more
Tried to embrace the holes in Mom’s hand-me-downs
Tried to hang myself by the thread that I was dangling from-
But I’m still here to learn.
I used to be so sure of some things.
I would bounce my rent check
to be sure of just one thing.
But keep whining about lost self identity,
and I’ll refrain from making that shitty #metoo joke.
Here’s the real break down
and I’m having it right now.
Feeling out of touch
Yeah, I know that feeling
Feeling out of touch,
and I’m having it right now.
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5. |
Chasing Content
02:32
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This city’s getting bigger all the time.
I’m getting salty breathing in this brine.
Restlessness
It probably gets worse than this-
Restlessness
It probably won’t get better.
Everybody wants a bigger house and a second cooler car,
Everybody wants a thinner phone and a body remodel;
I just want a shrink ray and to slash their tires-
I just want some friends and to start a few fires-
I just wanna run away, I wanna shake and yell,
I just wanna shave my head before I rip it all out!
I have had enough!
I have had enough!
You have enough!
You are enough!
You are enough.
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6. |
You're Safe Here
02:24
|
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If it’s alright I’ll unload this baggage one thing at a time
and fold to self awareness, won’t wear it on my face this time.
I have so many secrets, but none of them are mine,
if you decide to open up, I’ll try to maintain an open mind
It’s safe here
It’s safe here
Just stay here-
I’ll empty out a drawer
Give you a key to the front door
and if you’re still itching to leave
I’ve got stuff for your allergies
I know you’ve gotta go-
This isn’t the space you’re looking for
Know/No you’re not alone
feeling outside yourself-
You’re safe here
You’re safe here
Just be here-
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7. |
Losing My Shit
03:16
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Feel a little crazy like I wanna shave my head
but their music makes me wanna grow out my hair again
Do I have much to lose?
I just want my head to cut it out.
Will you turn to stone if I put another hole my head?
Got a Medusa last week-
Will you care if I still can’t get out of bed?
I’m so moody and I forget a lot of shit,
I’m so moody and I forget a lot of shit.
My mom is sick again, she gets dizzy spinning around the sun
Jäger won’t fix this one but it’s worth a shot
Does she have much to lose?
I’m out of range anyway-
The pill is flaring up my ideation again,
tried to reclaim my body but I’m losing myself instead-
and I’m always, all-ways, all ways on the mend.
I’m always, all-ways, all ways on the mend.
We don’t have much to lose.
And isn’t that scarier anyway?
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8. |
<i>Our</i> Meteor <3
02:30
|
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It must be terrible to be two dogs passing on leash-
strangled, tangled, and won’t ever meet-
I’m glad that’s not us.
But we keep passing-
You work weekends, I work all week-
It’s a working-class tragedy,
I won’t romanticize it anymore.
Talk of butterflies and nauseous knots,
I get that shit quite literally-
Try to keep it untangled and ironed out,
weave you in the holes in my darned schedule.
And if it’s cold can we sleep in the same bed?
I’ll be the warmer blanket,
break out the quilt again,
give you the side of the bed you demand.
We like each other like my cats like me:
Two independent beings.
I like it like that.
‘Special when they wanna climb into my lap
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,
Love songs have never been my forte-
Love songs have never been my forte-
but here I am barking up your tree.
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9. |
AAPR Billboard
02:46
|
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Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Just got a call from my mom’s husband.
Never thought I’d be in detox again.
This time not for me or even a friend-
Where should I go from here?
Everyone I know who was bigger than me,
I only see the shadows they cast-
Now you’re hiding empty bottles under your bed
The only light you see is under the door crack
Remember when the monsters were under my bed?
The billboard reads, “Roles Change.”
It’s staring at me, it’s sobering.
They say every gen gets a little taller than the last-
They say you’ve gotta hit rock bottom, but we had to crash.
Since the accident, I know you haven’t been the same;
can’t make headlights or taillights of anything-
Yeah, I know I was a real pill to raise.
Now you take a handful in place-
Where should we go from here?
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10. |
The Closer
02:06
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I’m still the back of the bus kid
riding potholes with dramatic effect-
Mom says my mood swings grow more frequent,
I wonder why Silence is more intense.
I’m trying hard not to break the little rules I make
like being accepting when I judge too fast,
or keep my mouth shut till I’ve had breakfast.
But it’s pretty fucking hard to be open-minded when you wanna die.
It’s pretty easy to break your own rules when you’re breaking down all the time.
Here’s to the 12 year-old in me fantasizing about dying.
Here’s to the 18 year-old me who couldn’t live without trying.
Here’s to 25 year-old me still buying time-
But losing the bus transfer,
and missing her stop.
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Breakfast In Silence Salt Lake City, Utah
hey there hoss, wanna grab a burrito?
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